Every January 1st we get a chance for renewal. Like a sorority chick waking up in a frat bedroom smelling like a gym sock that’s been drenched in roofie flavored vodka wondering if she’ll see her period for the next nine months, we can take THIS MOMENT to say “never again.” And I know that resolutions are difficult. Right now you’re staring down at the fifteen pounds you never lost, right before heading out to meet your “friend” - the one you swore you would have sex with in 2012 - for a couple of “Friendtails” (those are cocktails that “friends” share when they will never see one another’s genitals). You hear the clink of martini glasses as you two toast a new year? That’s the clink of your failure, the echo ringing through the vacuum void you call your self-worth. You poor bastard. You poor, fat, bastard. Luckily, this year, I’m going to help you out. I’m going to give you some New Year’s resolutions that are achievable AND will help your life as a “Bro.” Just like any Bro, you will crush these challenges like so many Natty Light cans after a routine Wednesday night shot-gunning sesh. Here's your mission:
Categories: {categories}Life
Tags: j-train's world, jtrains world, new years 2012, new years eve, new years resolution
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